Blues to Self

It is not fulfilling to love an ungrateful person. If i lack respect and enjoyment of who I am, i have very little to give, except my unfilled needs. In my emotional impoverishment, i tend to see other people essentially as sources of approval or disapproval. I do not appreciate them for who they are in their own right. I see only what they can and cannot do for me. I am not looking for people whom i can admire and with whom i can share the excitement in life. I am looking for people who will not condemn me, and perhaps will be impress by my persona, the face I present to the world. My ability to love remains undeveloped. This is one of the reasons why attempts at relationships so often fail. This is not because the vision of passionate or romantic love is intrinsically irrational, but because the self-esteem needed it is absent. In this case relationships will be difficult and unfulfilled. As slippery as an argan hair oil, feelings will simply trail away.