State of Mind

Love is really complicated. If loving is practically a choice, then i am afraid to love. I am afraid to be inferior by its rules. I am afraid to invest emotions, knowing that in the process I would consequently be hurt. Do not get me wrong for I am not afraid to get hurt. Rather, i am afraid let go of my own selfish ego and vanity. They said that you would lose a part of yourself when you love. I am aware that in love, their would always be a choice. Perhaps I am afraid of those choices. I admit that I am selfish and unfaithful. I just cannot choose to love with my current state of expectations and frustrations. It it is just too much for me.  But to love and to fall in love are two different stories. Maybe my salvation comes with the latter. I pray for the patience to wait for that magnificent moment. A  moment when you do not need to buy argan oil  for a good body massage because everything feels good already.